Am I okay?

I would like to share some thoughts that I have had recently. The poem below really puts things in perspective for me. I had been comparing my miscarriage to the loss of our son Matthew. I have told people who have gone through a loss that you cannot compare it to any others. Yet for some reason I was comparing my two losses. No matter how different the situation or how different you feel, it is still a great loss and there is a need to grieve. This is something that I did not realize until yesterday when the hurt hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes I am okay and will get through this but sometimes I just need to cry.

A cut finger is numb before it bleeds
it bleeds before it hurts
it hurts until it begins to heal
it forms a scab and itches
until finally, the scab is gone
and a small scar is left
where once there was a wound.
Grief is the deepest wound
you ever had.
Like a cut finger
it goes through stages
and leaves a scar.~~ Author Unknown ~~

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my loss, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. You have allowed me to share my grief and I appreciate that.

I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do need to grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. And know also that this too shall pass.

You may wish that you understood my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I hope that you will never understand.


Venessa said...

You make me cry just to read that! You have been in my prayers as I know this is a very tough time for you!

Anonymous said...

Wow. You said that so well. Thank you for sharing and being so open about the pain. Our society tries to make it better or go away, but we have to walk through it before we can start to heal. Don't let anyone take away your grief. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I love you!

Abbi said...

I will be praying for you. My mom had 2 miscarriages (at aroudn 4 months each time) and I kind of figured that I might experience one as well sometime but I didn't, and I feel very blessed. I am sorry that you have had to go through that. I do know though that the hard things I have been through have definetely brought growth. May God be with you!

Katie said...

We are still praying for you over here too. Your right, I have know idea what your are going through, I wish I did for your sake, but I am glad I don't. But we are thinking of you and praying for you